5 Commonly women mistakes that should be avoided in a relationship
1. Copy the model of the parents’ family
“To find the second half, you must first find the first,” says the famous wisdom. As a report, the initial stage of family development is, in fact, you and your life before marriage. At this stage, you live alone, learn to provide yourself, stuff comes and communicates with potential partners. After such experience, you will enter the new cell of society, at least partially forming.
If you just hatched from the parents’ family and are in a hurry to create your own, be sure that you will transfer into it a complex vinaigrette from the rules and ways of communication, vaccinated to you by your father and mother. And do not forget about the partner. If he is as young and beautiful, then he will bring the same tail behind him.
“To understand what suits you and what does not, what you are prepared to put up with, and with what – no reason, it is useful to live on your own and check on your personal experience the baggage received from the parents. This will allow looking at potential partners based on their values, and not through the prism of the views of the pope and mother, which increases the chances of finding a soul mate, “advises Gestalt psychotherapist, systemic family therapist Vlad Khimenkov.
Experience of independent life before marriage helps us to build the right distance in relations with parents and to avoid active interference of ancestors in our family life. So do not neglect such a vital pause.
2. You choose the same type of men
The second and foremost thing, not to chooses the same type of men. And of course, not all men are same. There are many stories behind these strategies, but they are all the same comrade. To hedge against such a mistake, look into the past and honestly answer a few questions:
- What was your first boyfriend like?
- Why did your relationship fail?
- Is there something in the new friend that subtly resembles your Great Unsuccessful Love?
“It is important to understand why relations with Kolya from the past did not take place. If it is because of the superficial attitude to life and the fear of something more serious than a good joke or ice-cold beer, and this quality unites him with the current Vasya, it is worth to take a new relationship with a bit of skepticism, “says psychologist, psychotherapist Anastasia Pyatakhin-Zhire.
3. You do not have the goals of the relationship
Probably, every woman had a man in his life who came with a ring, flowers, a changed face and offered “relations.” Well, if the goals are the same, and if you only need natural courtship at this moment? Perhaps, the romantic prince even succeeds in capturing you for a while, but in the end, relations will predictably collapse. Well, right – the goal is different: the man needs a house, and you’re – freedom.
Psychologists advise whenever everything is just beginning or is about to start, ask yourself the question “what do I want from this man?”. There are many options for an answer – from a dizzying novel for a couple of weeks or an intellectual flirtation to finally a family with a dozen kids.
“Having an honest answer, you should carefully look at the man and try to understand if he can give exactly what you need. I’m sure, in most cases, the woman herself realizes how great is the chance to get from the actual relationship necessary. It’s even easier to find out directly, in a dialogue,
By the way, the very ability and desire to conduct a conversation – answering your questions, hearing them and listening, and also on time and talking about yourself – can tell a lot about a man.